Shadow Work in Sacred Partnerships Part II: The Practice
Updated: Mar 22, 2019
Happy Monday Sacred Crew!
I hope you are all as excited as I am about the second part of this series, and I invite your participation. Last week, we dove into the shadow, what it looks and feels like, which is different for each one of us based on our karma and the lessons we are learning here. This week, lets chew on how to face and integrate our shadows into our partnerships.
Here's what I know to be true and real right now: Our partners (especially in intimate partnerships, but applicable across the spectrum too) reflect back at us our inner workings in ourselves. So ITS A TRAP (thank you Admiral Ackbar, pictured below) to externalize our partnerships. It is in the space of externalizing that we begin to blame, shame, feel the need to win or be right etc. If we can be grateful for the edgy parts, not lose ourselves in them, and accept that they are here to teach us soul level lessons, we can raise our vibration and rewrite our stories.
So when little and big things that we see in our partners really fire us up in a negative sense, no matter how mindful, zen and enlightened we are presuming to be in the moment, its time to say hello to our shadows with open arms like old friends. I could name a few cardinal vices, and you may already have some in mind, as the garden of lower delights here is simply ripe for pickings. Maybe its someone communicating poorly, or not taking out the trash, or disprespecting xyz, or wanting to prove or control abc, etc etc,. So right now as you are reading this, I invite you to think of one thing that grinds your gears about any partner in your current life, romantic or otherwise, maybe even that ONE thing that keeps repeating.
Once you have that in mind, lets weave it into a sentence, internally noticing if your mind wants to lean on causality vs correlation, ie, "they made me feel" vs. "I feel (x) when (y)". Write down, "I feel (insert emotion) when my partner (insert verb)." Then flip the script inward. Are you able to take conscious action of accepting responsibility for that emotion? Whats under the hood? Wheres the reaction coming from? Even close your eyes for a second and feel where this is in your body right now. Notice any resistance. Then write a second sentence. "I am feeling this because I...(insert why and and leave your partner out of this part, just for now)." Then write, if it agrees with you "I accept this feeling and let it go. One positive conscious change I can make around this is (insert thing)."
It is important to draw the line in the sand here at any kind of abusive partnerships, EVER. If you are in an abusive situation, please immediately take action to remove yourself to safety. In those cases, the self responsibility component is more about courageously getting out and setting healthy boundaries.
And that's Shadow Work in Partnerships Part II. The light and darkness in me acknowledges such in yourselves. Thanks for walking this walk together. Much love.
Ryan Sacred Intimacy Yogi